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11 Jan - bad cooks & granitas
TOPICS: bad cooks and their specialties, granita, Angela Pamela uranium mine

GUESTS : Dr Siggi Fried, author of a cookbook for bad cooks (currently seeking a well-insured publisher)
Isolde Kopping, hypnotherapist and low carb experimental baker

QUESTIONNAIRE :

From the Cookbook for Bad Cooks by Dr. Sigmunde (Siggi) Fried

ARE YOU A BAD COOK?
Test yourself

QUIZ (circle the letter of each statement below that applies most to your cooking style, either A, B or C in each category, but you may tick more than one if you cannot choose)

THAT SPECIAL INGREDIENT
1) A - You consider that adding a tin of tuna to almost any dish will enhance its flavour
B - Some dishes benefit from the addition of a tin of tuna
C - There is a time and a place for tinned tuna - and it's not in my cooking

INGREDIENT SUBSTITUTION
2) A - You cook Spicy Chicken Galangal soup but you leave out the Galangal because you can't get it and the chicken because it smells off
B - If the recipe requires nutmeg and you have none, it would be better to leave it out altogether than to substitute it with cinnamon
C - If you can't get the right ingredients you just don't cook the dish

COOKING TIME AND TEMPERATURE 1
3) A - Cooking most foods on high heat will speed up the process and save on fuel costs
B - You don't need cooking timers or kitchen clocks as your sense of timing is quite accurate, YOUR INTUITION is only matched by your flair
C – On your Christmas wish list is a Cooking Timer with a seconds hand

COOKING TIME AND TEMPERATURE 2
4) A - If the meat comes straight from the freezer you always cook it 10 minutes longer than is stated in the recipe
B - You have learned not to set off the smoke alarms when cooking (by deactivating them first)
C - You have realised that the cooking temperature and cooking time given in recipes are not just 'frivolous inclusions' but have a certain purpose

FRESHNESS
5) A - When shopping for food you choose lettuce which is least limp and you stay away from food that is circled by flies
B - You can tell the difference between stale and fresh lettuce, fish, mushrooms etc without wearing glasses, asking other shoppers for their opinions or applying the above mentioned 'fly' test
C - If the shop offers dead or uninspiring food you leave and go somewhere else even if it means a further 15 minutes drive to the next shop

VEGETARIAN FOOD
6) A - Your idea of vegetarian food is 'something without meat' which tastes quite bland
B - You know that vegetarian cooking is healthy and that it involves more than cooking chilli con carne without the carne but with lots of chilli
C - You have lucid dreams where you are served dishes such as salad of chargrilled capsicum, green pawpaw salad and lightly steamed garden fresh vegetables tossed with sesame seeds in a light mango dressing

INTERNATIONAL CUISINE
7) A – The word 'Hunza' is Hungarian for 'cardboard'
B – The word 'Jalapeno' is Mexican for 'diarrhoea'
C – The word 'Nori' is Japanese for 'trendy'

USE BY DATES
8) A - The use by date on packaged food is an indication only and food can be safely consumed within a few days, maybe even weeks, of that date
B - If you see something green growing on the bread you throw it, but on cheese you eat it
C – You know that the use by date on food indicates the variance of bacterial growth rates at inverted temperature rates squared with the weight of the food

IS IT WORTH THE EFFORT?
9) A - There is only one known place in the world where cheap tinned food tastes better than home cooked food and that place is YOURS
B - You stopped using packaged cake mixes after your friends declined three afternoon tea invitations in a row
C - You spent 8 hours of your 2 day stopover in Paris searching for the shop that sells those special ingredients so you could stock up your dwindling supplies back home

CLEANLINESS
10) A - When you drop food on the floor you pick it up, run it under the tap and hope that none of your dinner guests were watching
B - You cleaned your kitchen floor after your last house guest complained of sticking to it with his bare feet
C - You don't let your dog lick the dinner plates clean while your guests are still around

Add up how many times you ticked each letter, then see next page for results. Find out about your very own personal cooking style: A = BAD B = BORING C = GOOD

GUEST RECIPES:

TUNA IDEAS BY DR SIGGI FRIED

BEWARE!!!! Your bellysisters, who do not want to lose any listeners, strongly recommend you have full health insurance and paramedics standing by before attempting any of Dr Fried's recipes - or follow the first law of dodgy restaurants - choose the simplest dish.

6.1 TWICE BOILED TUNA WITH YOGHURT
Open fresh tin of tuna, place in saucepan with some mustard, grated cheese, a little water, salt, pepper, cream. Heat a lot. Let it cool a bit. Try and eat it for lunch. What's left can be boiled again for dinner and served with some cool, natural Greek Yoghurt.

5.3 TUNA FISH SANS PLATTE
A very simple yet satisfying dish straight from the tin onto the tastebuds.


GRANITAS - THE ANCESTOR OF ICECREAM & SORBETS

BASIC METHOD:

Boil gently equal quantities of sugar and water until the sugar is dissolved. The quantity will depend on how sweet your other ingredients are and personal taste.Cool then add other flavours, mostly the pulp or juice of fruits like citruses, berries, melons, kiwi, dragonfruit, stone fruits, or try a savoury one with cucumber or tomato, or coconut, white, bubbly or rose' wine, maybe 2 tbs spirits per litre or herbs, coffee is traditional and the belly lab experiment with tea was very successful, so try infusions of various herb or black or green teas (skip the milk).
When your chosen mix is cool freeze it for about 2 hours in a metal or ceramic oven tray with 5cm high sides or any container you have available, but wide and shallow is best. Every 30 minutes, mix mush or scrape with a fork and/or spatula to break up the ice and combine well. Serve preferably in stemmed glasses (keeps cool and looks pretty). If has set too hard just leave out for a few minutes, then scrape.
Granita will keep but the flavours are best fresh and not excessively iced.

INTERNET WISDOM:

There are lots of granita recipes online, and even more in Italian, so these are a few translated ones. First a couple of tips from Marina Malvezzi on mangiarebene.com

Fluffy and tasty granita comes from regular mixing - otherwise the flavours will go to the bottom, bland watery granita on top

Freeze it faster by putting a metal spoon in the middle to conduct the cold better - I'd like someone to parallel test this one

RECIPES adapted and translated from www.mangiarebene.com

PINK GRAPEFRUIT GRANITA:

750 g. pink grapefruit pulp (no skin, seeds, etc); 2tbs white vermouth
250g sugar in 125 mL water brought to the boil gently, cooled
mix and freeze as above

BELLINI GRANITA:

125 mL water/125 mL sugar, zest of 1/2 lemon, boiled gently, cooled
6 white peaches (or use yellow if you can't find white, but they must be good), peeled and cubed
juice of 1 lemon; 400mL Prosecco or Aussie bubbly
Blend together sugar syrup. peaches and lemon juice, add bubbly, freeze as above

COFFEE GRANITA:

1/2 L strong hot black coffee, 100 g. sugar
1 cinnamon stick and a few grains of cardamom (opt)

Mix well to dissolve sugar, allow to cool, filter if using spices, freeze as above. You can serve this with whipped cream on top.
Or make a few short blacks in an expresso machine and add hot water (and sugar) to make 1/2L. This is a really good way to give lunch or dinner guests an easy caffeine hit and dessert in one.

and the most traditional and refreshing, translated and adapted from www.ricettedisicilia.net

LEMON GRANITA

10 fresh untreated ripe, preferably Meyer lemons (the thin skinned ones - or try bush lemons in season)
the zest of 1 lemon
500 g sugar gently brought to the boil with 500mL water, then cooled - this sounds like a lot of sugar, use less for ripe sweet lemons, taste your mix
Mix sugar syrup, the juice of the 10 lemons and zest and freeza as above
Serve with a brioche for breakfast for a typical Sicilian summer breakfast

FROM THE BELLY LAB:

MOROCCAN MINT TEA GRANITA - by Sister Tess

for 6 portions

Put 100 to 150 g. sugar (according to taste), lots of fresh mint (or mint tea), 3 green tea bags/tbs and the zest of 1 lemon in a jug or bowl, top with 1L just boiled water. Take out the teabags when you think it is strong enough, allow to cool. Add the juice of 1 lemon. Put mix through a sieve. Freeze mixing and mushing as above. Serve with a sprig of mint.

OUR FIRST IN-EDIBLE QUOTE - from Dr Siggi Fried

"Stodge must be served warm, never hot. The starch in the dish congeals better at a lower temperature"

CONTACTS:

This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it - please get in touch

www.kopping.com - to get in touch with Isolde and Dr Fried, and lots of low carb recipes and links on xylotol

www.alec.org.au - information and links about the proposed Angela Pamela uranium mine near Alice Springs
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